Why?

I didn´t think it would be this hard. I didn´t think I had really become all that close with the students here this semester. I didn´t think I would be so sad to see them go.

I went to the airport with Trisha this morning because she was flying out to France to spend a few days with her sister and I needed to pay the fee to change my ticket home to the Spring. Trisha is kindly taking an entire suitcase full of things home to my family for me. I went out lastnight with a couple of the girls for about an hour to say goodbye. Then I said another goodbye this morning. I´ll say another one this afternoon, and then they are all gone. Trisha is coming back, but the rest I might not ever see again... I don´t know whether it is hard because I am jealous that they all get to go home and see their families for Christmas or because I am afraid of being here alone. I´m not technically alone, I know, because I have my host parents... but I have 7 weeks of none of my friends being here, of traveling by myself, of a lot of me time. I think it scares me more than anything. I just never planned on becoming friends with all of the students and I never thought about them leaving as changing things. I mean, my life is still the same, I´m still living in the same spot with the same family and using the same metro everyday and waking up to construction every morning. But, with all of them being gone... well, that does change things for me. And lastnight when I was saying goodbye to some of the other girls, I got a taste of what it is going to feel like when I leave in the Spring after having been here for so long... that´s going to be hard.

Why am I such a mess sometimes?! I swear, I never used to be as emotional as I have been the last few years... Why do I hate change so much and why is it so hard for me to deal with? It´s not like I don´t know what is coming and that things are going to change. Yet, I think I ignore it until it is actually there and I can´t ignore it anymore... then I get shocked by it!! Oh well, I guess this is life. I think now is a good time to go back to bed.